|
The Mildew Award is presented to by me,
whenever I feel like it, to anything that strikes me as a prime example of
ignorance, blatant stupidity, or poor design. I'm always open to suggestions for new
awardees. I'll even award myself when I deserve it.
April 2007 - Second Award Recipient for
poor design
Swiffer
Yes. Swiffer. There is
something about the design that hurts my wrist whenever I use it, but I'm
putting that down to a personal problem. Anyway, pictures speak and here
is a picture which should say it all.
What does this picture say to you?
It says to me that the Swiffer ain't
picking up much--it's just sort of pushing it around. Sort of like a
broom. In fact, exactly like a broom. Only it's an
expensive broom because you have to buy boxes of stupid cloths each week to
use the darn thing.
Which explains why the manufacturer wants
you to buy Swiffers instead of brooms, because brooms don't require refills.
You buy a broom once and that's it. Swiffers--well, you have to keep
buying those cloths. Every week. And they don't do any better than a
broom. In fact, you still need a broom.
Don't believe me? Look at the above
picture. Now, look at this picture, below.
Now, in which picture is the floor
cleaner? Hint: it's not the first picture with the Swiffer alone.
It's the second picture where I swept up all the mess the Swiffer wouldn't
touch--with an old fashioned brush (which didn't require any extra expenditures
to do this work).
Oh, and in case you think Swiffer dusters
are any better than any other duster--think again. It does pretty much the
same as any other duster, except you have to SPEND MORE MONEY to use it because
you have to buy these silly refills.
Wake up. The name of the game is:
How can we get this sucker to buy something that will make him/her
spend give us more money every week?
And it still hurts my wrist to use it.
August 2006 - First Award Recipient
Snakes on a Plane
This is the movie, of course, and my first award
recipient for having the most egregiously idiotic premise I've ever been
privileged to hear. Why, you ask? It's simple biology.
Snakes are cold blooded.
Humans are warm blooded.
It's damn cold at 33,000 feet.
Turn off the heat. Problem solved.
If you still don't understand: snakes are
cold blooded and depend upon the ambient temperature to warm them up to make
them active. When the temperature falls, they become inactive.
Because it is cold at 33,000 feet, all you would have to do is turn off the heat
and then at your leisure, pick up the limp, comatose snakes. End of story.
Suppose you couldn't turn off the heat (it's
actually shunted in from the engines, but you could still just turn it
down/off--but I'm just trying to think of excuses the writers could give for
this monumentally stupid premise) then just remember this: because snakes
are cold blooded, physiologically, they have a hard time with continual
activity. Lactic acid builds up in their muscles so if you keep them
active for more than a few minutes, they just become limp dishrags until they
can dump the lactic acid. They are basically built for "one strike, glide
away, and hide" and not sustained activity. That's why the mongoose can
"tease them to death" because it keeps them dancing until they go limp at which
point the mongoose can just kill them at its leisure.
So all you have to do is chill out and enjoy the
flight.
Dumb premise. But Samuel L. Jackson is still
a great actor, even if this is the stupidest movie in his distinguished career.
Oh, and if you can forget everything you ever knew about snakes, the movie
itself might actually be good--you just have to pack your brain away in cold
storage for the duration.
Email me: To email me with your
suggestions or comments, just click on
the icon
|
